


Only In Dreams

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Fluff, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-09
Updated: 2003-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:41:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22991893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Daniel visits Jonas in his dreams as he’s fighting for his life during his brain tumour operation.
Kudos: 7





	Only In Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Daniel visited Teal’c and Jack…I think he should have visited Sam and Jonas as well so…This is for Jonas.
> 
> Thanks so much to Dee Dee for beta! *hugs*

# Only In Dreams

Darkness everything. It was in every pore of his being; through him and around him. The more he fought the deeper the darkness got. It was like a coldness, a flame of ice, that tried to burn him up from within. There was no exit, no ceiling and no floor. He couldn’t give up now; he had to stay a little longer. He had to make sure Colonel O’Neill and Teal’c were safe…that Sam would be okay. He had to try…This was his chance to prove he was worth something…This was his chance to be useful…It couldn’t be taken away from him already…

“Everything will be alright.”

The voice was everywhere and nowhere; so filled with warmth and love it was almost painful for Jonas to listen to. He knew that voice…he heard it every night in his nightmares; so filled with pain and accusation.

“Dr. Jackson?”

In a flame of light and warmth he stood before him all dressed in white with his arms crossed over his chest in the gesture of self-protection Jonas had learnt he did often even in the few weeks they had been together on his home world. Unlike him who always wore a mask in public Daniel always wore his emotions on his sleeve for all to see.

“I have told you to call me Daniel,” he insisted with a smile.

“You…You’re alive?” He couldn’t keep the surprise and disbelief out of his voice and Daniel’s smile widened a little. Something told him that this could not be but here in this place everything was turned upside down. He was standing in the middle of nothingness across from a man whose genius and spirit he greatly admired yet who haunted him at every corner. Now he was here…”You’re alive!” he repeated the words and freed from the bonds that normally kept him nervous and hesitant he let his heart speak freely without pretend and promptly embraced Daniel in a warm embrace which he, to Jonas’s great joy, returned in kind. For a long moment they stood like that, asking and answering a million questions without speaking a single word. After what felt like forever Jonas finally drew back, tears of relief and joy glimmering in his eyes.

“I am so…”

“Sorry,” Daniel ended for him. “ I know.”

“You do?” Jonas looked surprised at him. Daniel made a vague gesture upward.

“The whole Ascension, all seeing-all knowing thing.”

Jonas nodded, trying desperately to make sense of it all. “You need not ask my forgiveness though. It was an accident.” Daniel’s voice was soft and warm now.

“It was my fault. I should have…” Jonas began, stubbornly, his voice filled with guilt.

“What? Had you shattered the glass I would have died from radiation poison even standing outside the room as my physiology would not have protected me like yours did. Though had you entered instead of me I would have followed and we would both have died.”

Jonas shrugged as if that would not have been important. “Maybe what would have been best,” he mumbled softly but his voice rang loud and clear in the emptiness where they stood. Daniel sighed a little and looked sad.

“Nothing I say can ever take away your guilt and pain,” it wasn’t really a question but Jonas relied in honest.

”No.”

”Jonas, Janet was right; you are a great help to the team as it is. You do not have to prove anything.”  
He could see that Jonas didn’t believe him. ”Teal’c, Sam….Are the others alright? I didn’t have enough time…if just…” his voice was filled with desperation and self hate as he changed the subject.

“They are all fine…Thanks to you,” Daniel calmed him and Jonas drew a relived breath.

“Good…Good.”

Like letting go of a rock high above the ground, suddenly the darkness and coldness moved even closer. Daniel laid a hand on his arm.

“Jonas, you’re fighting for your life. Janet is during all she can but the choice is, as it was for me, up to you. You need to keep fighting.”

”Why?” his face was as confused by this request as his word lead to believe.

“You have a higher destiny awaiting you…This is not meant to be the end of your journey.”

Jonas shook his head sadly at him. “I was never welcomed here and I find pretending that everything is alright to be a strain I can no longer carry. I do not wish to keep fighting. I should have died instead of you that day…If I could I will give my life to you as I die.”

The coldness grew and Daniel had to fight to remain, his light being strangled in the darkness. He was losing Jonas so fast everything seemed to be spinning out of control. He needed another approach, something desperate…And a Jack kind of plan formed in his mind. “Don’t be so selfish!”  
”Selfish?” Jonas frowned confused and hurt at him, not sure what else to say.

“Dying is easy; living is hard. If you truly want to make a difference then stay and fight,” Daniel fought to keep a cold tone but it was hard when he could feel Jonas’ pain and guilt as if it was his own.

“Everyone would rather see me gone.”

“I would not see you gone!” Daniel all but yelled and Jonas looked dumbstruck at him.

“I…You…truly?” he asked uncertainly and Daniel nodded and smiled as he lay a hand on each side of his face.

“Truly. Stay a little while longer…for me.”  
Jonas nodded, suddenly finding it hard to speak, a lump in his throat. There was such softness and warmth in Daniel’s voice…He had never truly admitted how unloved and lonesome he had felt before now where he saw all he had missed.

“For you,” Jonas promised and Daniel smiled warmly as the darkness dimmed little by little to give way to light. As he was to fade away completely Daniel spoke softly to him.

“Remember…You’re not alone. I will always watch over you…In your dreams.”

Then everything faded away as reality returned with painful intensity but through the pain in his body Jonas smiled his first genuine smile since he had arrived on Earth. He felt like a child having been given the most precious gift in the world and it would be a memory he would save forever in his heart. Suddenly he didn’t feel so alone anymore and he already looked forward to night so he could return to his dreams…they were so much more beautiful and loving than reality, even when lived through at the threshold of life. Only ever in dreams…Yet he felt it was better to have a fragile dream in his heart than a true nothingness in his hand. 

The End  
  



End file.
